Tuesday, January 13, 2009

"I've Nothing to do but fuck"

For some reason, the mad folk tend to think that Plaid Pantries are the place to hang out. One such woman speaks as though she had her voice box removed, and manages sound by doing what most of us consider clearing our throats. This would explain the constant, yellowish spittle and mucus dripping from the corners of her mouth.

While she's mostly just insane and a pointless waste, the Vietnam Vet knew about her already and warned me to keep an eye on her. It seems he might be good to have around. She brought up some coupons from the other side of the counter, set a cordial cherry down and brought some newspapers, and tried to say... something. I couldn't figure it out. I had to ask her several times, discovered that her spittle can fly pretty far with deadly accuracy, and learned that glasses are good for more than just improving eyesight. Fucking. Gross. Watch me catch SARS now. It turns out that she thought she was being really nice by bringing these to me... as a gift! No, of course she didn't want to buy them! She just wanted me to have them because she's a dear.

Or perhaps it's because she's stark raving mad, perhaps a distraction so she could steal something. As I understand it, it was the latter.

The real fun began when her 'friend' appeared and started hitting on the male customers. They had to have been somewhere in their mid twenties while this lady's got to be old enough to be their mother.

"Heeeey how ya doin'. Nice hair cut. It looks reeeaaaal good on ya." she said, making her best attempt at impersonating an even remotely attractive human being. Then suddenly...

"I'm a pretty kinky broad! There's not a whole lot to do once you get old other than have sex! Yeah I like the kinky stuff, it keeps it fun! Oh man it's a good thing I'm in a good mood right now, and it's a good thing [No-Voice] isn't here, or else I'd make her really jealous by telling her I eat pussy better than she does! HA HA HA!"

Everyone is silent, even the vet. I can usually take this kind of talk, but I've never heard it from someone as skeezey and foul as her. Then she started with some of that talk directed at me. This brought me to the point of actual nausea. I just had to roll my eyes. I guess she thought that was me flirting back or something.

Fucking. Gross.

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